This is an important question to ask yourself…

I see so many guys getting lost in trying to become alpha, trying to be a leader and demonstrate this to the girl... when all they become is: a DICTATOR.

Every man needs to strive to become a leader, to embody the traits of a leader and to lose any dictator traits.

What's the difference between a leader and a dictator?

A Leader:

  • Looks out for his tribe
  • Puts the tribe first
  • Understands that if any problem arises, he will find a solution
  • Has strong beliefs and opinions but does not enforce his opinions or beliefs on others
  • Has strong boundaries

A Dictator:

  • Looks out only for himself
  • Puts himself before his tribe
  • Enforces his beliefs and opinions on others

Now, I want you to think to yourself, are you a leader or a dictator?

When it comes to game, I see so many students trying to become leaders but end up having dictator qualities and behaviors.

Women are attracted to leaders and not dictators.

The one trait of a leader that I want to discuss is Dominance.

Dominance is an attractive quality. If she sees you as the dominant role, she will naturally be in the submissive role.

Do not confuse dominance with force or aggression. These are the qualities of a dictator and not a leader.

As surgical players, we understand that we are always going to make women comfortable whilst at the same time giving them an amazing experience. Women want to feel the dominance from you. It is your job to show it.

Now I would never just tell you to be dominant as that is the same as " just be confident".

Dominance just like everything else can be broken down into techniques.

Nonverbal & Verbal Communication


  • Tonality: speak in a down tonality. For this I want you to have the mindset of: you are a policeman and the other person has committed the crime. Or you are the dad and your son has just stepped out of line. No aggression but you would still state your boundaries and have a downward tonality.
  • Eye contact: hold strong eye contact. To practice strong eye contact, next time you go out, focus on never being the one to break the eye contact. If you do ever break it, always look to the side and not down. Looking down is a sign of submission.


You are almost coming from an inquisitorial/ interrogating mindset. " what do you do!... interesting! tell me more about it!"


  • Firstly, no need to ever be apologetic when speaking to a girl.
  • Secondly, your verbals can be using all of the techniques that we discuss in surgical, just done through the dominant mindsets and non-verbals.
  • Add words that frame her into being submissive. Example: "Little on" "cutie" "baby" "tiny" etc

The goal is not to be a dictator but to be a LEADER.

Being a true leader will then inspire others to follow you.

I would encourage you to reread the traits of a leader and try to embody them one at a time until you become a true leader.

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Gabriel Grey
Gabriel Grey

Gabriel Grey is an Executive Dating Coach at SOCIAL HACKER™